Toasts, Graffiti, Conundrums

                                                      Toasts

 

                         "May the right person say the right thing

                          To the right person in the right way.

                          At the right time, in the right place."

                                                       *  *  *

                          "May corruption be chained.

                           And truth maintained."

                                                       *  *  *

                          "Here's to woman!

                          Would that we could fall into herarms without falling into her hands."

 

                                                                                          Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)

 

 

                                                                     Graffitti

 

     I'm troubled by a superiority complex: it belongs to my boss.

    *  *  *

     It's easy to spot a fool unless he's hidding inside you.

     *  *  *

      Does an apple a day still keep the doctor away?

     *  *  *

      Things are not as bad as they seem... They're worse.

      *  *  *

      Love: Two minus one equals nothing.

      *  *  *

      The bad thing about a popular song is that it makes a lot of people think they can sing.

      *  *  *

      Wonder drug: After hearing cost of the prescription, you wonder how people pay for it.

       *  *  *

    The hardest part about getting to the top of the mountain is getting through the mob at the bottom.

   

Conundrums - загадки; головоломки

 

What is the difference between a watchmaker and a jailer?

(The one sells watches and the other watches cells)

*  *  *

What is the longest word in the English language?

(Smiles, because there is a mile between the first and the last letter).

*  *  *

Why are rainbows similar to policemen?

(Both appear after the storm is over).

*  *  *

What is that a poor man has and a rich man wants?

(Nothing).

*  *  *

What key is the best for unlocking the tongue?

(Whiskey).

*  *  *

When is the door not a door?

(When it is ajar).

*  *  *

What is that which one can keep, after giving it to someone else?

(One's word).

*  *  *

What ship do people like best of all?

(Courtship).

*  *  *

What will become if you strip majesty of its exteriors: the first and the last letters?

(It becomes "A jest")

*  *  *

Why should a man never tell his secrets in a corn field?

(Because it has so many ears).

*  *  *

Why is a crow a brave bird?

(He never shows a white feather).

*  *  *

Why is dough like the sun?

(When it rises it is light).

*  *  *

When is coffee like the soil?

(When it is ground).

*  *  *

What happens to liars when they die?

(They lie still).

*  *  *

Which is the strongest day of the week?

(Sunday, because the other days are week days).

*  *  *

Which travels faster - heat or cold?

(Heat, becausr one can catch cold easily).

*  *  *

Why ia a proud man (woman) like a music book?

(Because he (she) is full of airs).

*  *  *

What is the difference between a tree and an aircraft?

(One sheds its leaves and the other leaves its shed).

*  *  *

What is it? The greater it is? the less it can be seen.

(Darkness).

*  *  *

Can February March?

(No, but April May).

*  *  *

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