Rest and Recreation

          Two men in a car wentright past the traffic lights when they were red, and were stopped by a policeman.

         "I'm sorry, Officer," said the driver, thinking quickly. "I happen to be a doctor and I'm taking a patient to the asylum in a hurry."

           The policeman was suspicious - but the passenger was just as quick. Lokking up at the constable with a seraphic smile, he whispered: "Kiss me, darling!"

           They got away with it!


*  *  *


Speeder: Was I driving to fast?

Motor Cop: Hell, no. You were flying too low.


*  *  *


Officer: Miss, you were doing sixty miles an hour!

Sweet Young Thing: Oh, isn't that splendid! I only learned to drive yesterday.


*  *  *


He was  the only witness to the car accident. The cop asked his name.

"John Smith," he said.

"Give us your real name," ordered the cop.

"Well," said the witness, "put me down as William Shakespeare."

"That's better," said the cop, "you can't fool me with that Smith stuff."


*  *  *


Policeman (producing notebook): Name, please.

Motorist: Aloysius-Alastair-Cyprian-

Policeman (putting book away): "Well, don't let me catch you again."


*  *  *


         A drunk was driving up a one-way street the wrong way. Cop stopped him and said, "Where do you think you're going?"

          Guy said,

          "I don't know but I must be late - everyone else is coming back!"


*  *  *


       In driving only one block the sweet young thing had violated six traffic ordinances.

       "Well, miss," said the cop who stopped her, "I suppose you know why I halted you?"

       "Oh, don't tell me; let me guess," she replied. "Oh, yes. I think you are lonely!"


*  *  *


"Daddy, what is the angel?"

"A pedestrian who jumped too late."


*  *  *


"Must be getting closer to town - we're hitting more people."


*  *  *


Question: Why are car insurance rates higher for single young men?

Answer: Because they are much more reckless.

Question: If there're so reckless, why don't they get married then?


*  *  *


"How come your father's so mad about us using his car last night?"

"That was him we ran down."


*  *  *


The latest automobiles will have glass floors so when you run over somebody you can see if it's anyone you know.


*  *  *


Prospective Customer: What's the difference between this new model and last year's car?

Efficient Salesman: Well, the automatic cigarette lighter is about an inch nearer the steering-wheel.


*  *  *